Disgruntlement revisited

So as you can see we have been on extended hiatus...a number of factors have contributed to the break:

1. Restaurant reviewing requires one to be going out regularly to new places. We got a)busy and b)lazy.

2. Mr K and I decided to conserve some of our surplus resources...until I become astonishingly well-known for my high quality reviews and acerbic rapier-like wit, one must assume establishments will require payment for service and meals. Ironic really, as the "service" one gets in Perth is generally a lack thereof...meals have also been a bit hit and miss...

3. We recently welcomed a little Kvetch into the world...actually, it is a big kvetch in a little Kvetch's body..ie. small package, big noise. She forcibly reduced the amount of eating out we have done in the last year, because we became acquainted with a hitherto unknown Dining Law; If You are Pregnant, You and Your Dining Companions are Worthless to Us. Even at that temple of indulgence and perfection, Vue de Monde, they badly let us down. Mr K was drinking, or was willing to (I could hardly demand he desist when you are embarking on a 12 course degustation the likes of which you have never seen before or will again, my god Shannon Bennett is a freaking genius, but I digress), I am ashamed to have to admit that they gave him one glass of wine and NEVER came back to ask him if he wanted anything else! And everyone in the entire restaurant got served and left before us...I was so tired at midnight that we had to leave before we even got our second dessert course...it was embarrassing for everyone..I actually complained (very very politely). I was mortified of course, (see above, temple of indulgence and perfection) but you cannot pay $200+ per person just for food and then be sanguine if your table suddenly becomes invisible. It was disheartening, so we stopped going out to places where we cared about service. A notable exception was Punjab in Innaloo, they have treated us with exactly the same care and attention as they always have. Just as well since for about six weeks there all I wanted to eat was Butter Chicken...sincere thanks are due to Mr K who only lost his cool once.

Right, now where was I..oh yes:

4. So here I am, proud owner of four week old (or proudly owned by a four week old, if you assign ownership by which individual jumps to do the other's imperious bidding), and leaving the house to eat out seems a bit unachievable for awhile, even if like myself, you aim high. Frankly, leaving the house to get milk and bread seems aiming a bit high...

5. However, I am home and not having to attend the Place Where Bad Things Happen daily, and we still have to eat, and I still love to cook (bless the Internet and online grocery shopping).

6. Therefore, on a semi-regular basis, and in keeping with the theme of this blog, we shall attempt to avoid Dietary Disgruntlement and I shall post the results of my cooking (and eating) adventures. If I do get a chance to add in a review here or there I will do that too.

7. Please note, I never follow a recipe exactly unless it is something that involves yeast or baking powder (and even then, I often tweak) so results may vary - both yours and mine :)

An Indian Odyssey

There are multitudes of Indian Restaurants in Perth these days…I am not sure whether it is due to the changing dietary whims of the Australian population, relaxed immigration policy or both – but I think its excellent (the wide choice I mean, not necessarily the quality of every establishment that pops up like a mushroom in the damp cardboard box that is Perth’s suburbia).

For this week’s exciting instalment, I have chosen to review three that we have visited recently…most Thursday nights see us installed (we hope) comfortably in an Indian restaurant sampling a wide range of dishes.

Balti (Perth CBD)

I had occasion to visit Balti on the corner of St Georges/Adelaide Terrace and Victoria Avenue a few weeks ago with a work function and was very pleasantly surprised at the time. The Mr K had the day off work one day, and was able to meet me for lunch so we decided we’d try it again to determine whether it was a one-off or worth a mention. We have since been back for dinner, just to make sure… The fit-out is modern Indian/Australian – by which I mean that it isn’t your typical gaudy red/pink and gold with sparkles and tasselled elephants everywhere, (although it does feature pink as a prominent colour – I don't want you to be disappointed). It also features polished wooden floors, the leather chairs are comfortable and you do not have to shout across the table to be heard. The effect is clean and simple, and the noise level of an evening is tolerable. Wait-staff are prompt and efficient, if a wee bit robotic.

One of our faves here is the Chicken or Goat Biryani ($17-18). The aroma is divine, rice texture is perfect, the meat is beautiful and spice has an excellent depth – just be careful of getting a cardamom pod stuck in your teeth. The Chicken in Saffron and Almond Sauce ($24) is very mild, but still very flavourful – the chicken is tender and in our experience doesn’t involve you accidentally getting any gristly, fatty bits. The sauce is brilliant mopped up with a bit of garlic naan ($4.5 ea). We have also tried the Hyderbadi-Style Fish Korma ($25) which is tasty but not optimum if you are a spice lover, and the Goat Curry ($25) which is brilliant if you like a rich spicy curry with oodles of flavour (I advise Raita on the side). The meat is on the bone, but this does not detract from the experience.

The wine list is not too shabby, we like the Momo Sauvignon Blanc ($40) from Marlborough, NZ (where else!). They also feature a decent selection of local and imported beers.

9Marys (Perth CBD)

I will admit from the outset I feel duped with this one. I visited the first time over 18 months ago, and was left with a hazy but pleasant memory of the food. We tried it again last night in our quest for the perfect Indian and were disappointed. Let me explain…

The fit out of 9marys (sister to Chutney in Subiaco) is quite similar to Balti in the clean, modern chairs and tables, and bright but not over-powering Warhol-esque prints of Queen Mary on the wall. The dining room is quite sophisticated looking, and holds some long high tables and chairs in addition to the usual level dining, which provides some interest. We had occasion to be served by a couple of different wait staff, one bright, bubbly and cheerful but still professional in manner, two others who would not open their mouths and seemed ready to pounce on you the second your plate was empty to whisk it away (by ‘second’ I mean ‘while you are still chewing the mouthful which rendered the plate empty’). It was like being stalked by a hungry vulture…

I hear you, Dear Reader…you are thinking, ‘Ooh if the plates were emptied, it must mean the food was good’. I am sorry to disappoint you, but the plates were emptied because the portions were so small as to make emptying them necessary for our survival until breakfast this morning. Lest I appear to slander, let me hasten to add that the dishes we had were cooked exceedingly well. The Tandoori Tasting plate ($36) was excellent, samples of Tandoori salmon, chicken, homemade paneer and prawns with mint chutney. The size, although decent, was a bit small for the price, but no matter we thought – taste triumphs over value for money quibbles any day. We also ordered Butter Chicken ($26) (in our defence, this is only because the Butter Chicken we had once by accident at the Cinnamon Club and thereafter on purpose is truly excellent; more of a true Murgh Makhani than some mild red slop out of a jar), this came with four small pieces of chicken, and an accompanying sauce. It was nicely cooked and the meat was tender, but flavour-wise left so much to be desired. I think if you added a bit of cream and tomato to the Patak’s Butter Chicken sauce you could get a similar taste. The 9mary’s website informs me that Indian dishes are rarely served ‘steaming hot’ by which I infer that they are referring to the amount of spice present, they also inform me that they ‘delicately blend’ their spices ‘ in meticulous proportions’ to create their dishes. They may be right, but I prefer the delicately blended, meticulous proportions of the Cinnamon Club for this one. Our final dish was the Goat Biryani for One ($19). Again, we were disappointed – perfectly cooked grains of rice, goat on the bone, but lacking in flavour, and such a small serve. Balti, for approximately the same price, represents far better value for money in addition to flavour superiority, and I am not even going to discuss Cinnamon Club’s offering at this point (please see rhapsody below).

The wine list is adequate, but hideously over-priced, in my opinion. The Momo we had at Balti for $40 is on the menu at 9marys for $50, and they have no BYO option (we witnessed them confiscate the bottle of the unsuspecting couple who were seated next to us). My research indicates you can buy this wine for $20 or under when paying retail bottle shop prices. My sense of justice tells me the mark-up at 9marys falls into the category of ‘we have the poor unsuspecting bastards captive – lets squeeze them for every cent’.

To top it all off - we were entertained during our dinner by the playful antics of two resident cockroaches under our table/end Kvetch.

Cinnamon Club (Leederville)

I was recently accused by a close relative of not writing reviews reflective of my usual dining haunts. My justification involved a convoluted yet valid logic that a) people enjoy reading reviews of poor dinners I have had rather than those I really enjoyed and b) if I tell everyone where the good places are, I will not be able to just rock up for dinner there whenever I choose. It will become like Ha-Lu, where I now have to think about it a week or so in advance. That said, I see her point. And I am writing about Indian restaurants anyway – so it is fitting that we discuss the Cinnamon Club.

**Warning: I like this establishment very much, if you are easily bored, you may wish to tune out now**

A few months ago, on an ill-fated (or so we thought) rainy Wednesday night, we tried to get into Ha-Lu and were knocked back (see previous post). We were in Mt Hawthorn anyway, so was a drive of five minutes to Leederville and the Cinnamon Club. We’d been ages before with a bunch of people and remembered it vaguely. It was busy, but a snap of the fingers from the manager and we were seated at the back of the restaurant (it was near the cutlery station, but really, it made no difference until the end of the night when the ambient noise died down a bit, and then the rhythmic crash became a little monotonous). It was conspicuously excellent. It still is.

The Cinnamon Club has a slightly funkier fit out than either Balti or 9marys – a little retro; with massive orange lamp shades and comfy booths if you are lucky enough to snag one. The service is friendly and efficient, but when the dining room is heaving with a mass of well-dressed individuals also clever enough to be there, you might need to occasionally avail yourself of an attention-seeking manoeuvre (by which I do not mean John Travolta style Saturday Night Fever dance moves tabletop [unless you really want to]– more of a smile/wave situation).

We have enjoyed everything we have ever ordered here – honestly. The tasting plates come in three varieties; Vegetarian ($20.5), Mixed ($26.5) and Tandoori ($28.5). The Tandoori is probably my favourite; I love the spiciness of the Seekh Kebab, and the Keema Naan is fantastic. We have settled into a bit of a routine unfortunately; we generally have a tasting plate and two dishes – three leaves you a) unable to walk, and b) with heaps of leftovers. The first dish is invariably the Chicken Biryani (for two people, $34). This is absolutely brilliant, the chicken is tender and gristle-free, rice texture is perfect, its perfectly spiced, and comes with raita and poppadums. We have yet to make it to the bottom of the Biryani bowl, we always end up with someone (not me) getting lunch the next day out of it. The second dish can vary; the Beef Vindaloo ($20.5) is mind-bogglingly hot and I don’t recommend it unless you have a cast-iron stomach, the Butter Chicken ($20.5) is outstanding and has a bit of kick (see above review for detail), the Malai Kofta (cheese and potato dumplings in cashew nut gravy, $15.5) is mild but very rich and a welcome nice change from the usual Indian fare.

We normally have a bottle (or two, depending on how bad the day was) of the Alkoomi Sauvignon Blanc (WA, $38.5) here, the wine list is small but liveable. However; they do offer BYO at $6.50 per bottle, which means if you are organised, you can buy your Momo for $20, and it will still cost you 188% less than it would at 9marys.

So there we have it folks – a trilogy of reviews to mark my triumphant return to the blogosphere (until the next time my day job ruins my social life).

What do you reckon? Had better?

Ha-Lu (yah!)

Mr K and I have been to Ha-Lu on Oxford St (Scarborough Beach Rd end) a few times, but the last two times we have rocked up without a reservation we have been turned away (even though once it was at 6pm for an early dinner and the place was EMPTY, literally…). The Cinnamon Club has been getting the fall-out business because of it’s geographical proximity (and the food is fabulous but that’s another story). We decided to give it one more try before we gave up, and last night, on a rainy Wednesday, they let us eat there.

The fit-out is modern and unobtrusive, the chairs are comfortable (although they tend to shriek terribly when moved across the wooden floor), and the service is excellent. We both love Japanese food, the emphasis on fresh ingredients and clean flavours draws us back to good Japanese restaurants again and again, but Ha-Lu is slightly different in that it is more of a tapas-style arrangement. The menu states that most parties order 2-3 dishes per person, and from our experience this is about right. We started by ordering the Special of the Day – Tuna Tataki with a citrus soy sauce, Agedashi Tofu, Crumbed Oysters, Dorper Lamb Cutlets and Okonomi-yaki.

The wine list is adequate, if not particularly thrilling, and on previous visits we have had the Alkoomi Sauvignon Blanc ($41) which is unobtrusive with the style of food. This time we ordered a bottle of Otuwhero O:Tu Sauvignon Blanc ($44, Marlborough NZ), just for a change. It was more mineral toned than fruit, and contrasted well with the mouth feel of some of the dishes we ordered. I would like to try their Shochu or Sake menu (which is extensive), but the waitperson put us on the spot so we went with the wine by default.

The Tuna Tataki ($14) was just warm, the tuna meaty and tender and the citrus soy sauce tangy but not over-powering. I could have used a little wasabi mayo for dipping variety, but I could justify wasabi mayo with just about any seafood dish, so it was in no way necessary.

The Agedashi Tofu ($8.5) was homemade silken tofu very lightly deep fried in broth with bonito flakes and spring onion. The broth was flavoursome, but the tofu quite difficult to eat as it was incredibly soft and so lightly fried. It would have been better if it had spent a moment or two longer in the oil to develop more of a chopstick-able crust.

The Crumbed Oysters ($16) came out in a multiple of 5, which seemed a bit strange and like the chef is trying to buy-six-get-one-free. Individually, they were larger than we remembered, we recall them being more tempura-like on a previous visit (Mr.K maintains it was the deep fried oysters at Ha-Lu that led to the production of our own version at home), but the mild chilli sauce was excellent despite my reservations and the oysters meaty and juicy. Mr K kindly sacrificed the last oyster to me, as he had ordered a side of rice (no, I don’t get it either) and despite a superficial protest, I took him up on the offer promptly. Excellent.

We went with two Dorper Lamb Cutlets ($16) but you can order four for $30. They came with two small triangles of crumbed camembert (we are not sure why) and a bit of mixed vegetable, as well as the world’s smallest spot of mustard and a artfully swirled reduced sauce of some unknown variety (tasty in any event). The cutlets themselves were meaty, tender and flavourful and reminded us of our plan to buy a side of lamb for home consumption.

Mr K and I first ate Okonomi-yaki at a Japanese restaurant in Queenstown NZ, and loved it (although it was nearly indiscernible under a mountain of bonito flakes). We have not seen it appear on menus of the Japanese restaurants we normally patronise, and when I spied it tacked on the end of the menu, we had to sample it. We were not disappointed with the Ha-Lu version ($16)– this is such a homely comforting dish; a cross between a pancake and an omelette, containing small pieces of octopus mixed with cheese and cabbage and of course Okonomi-yaki sauce and Japanese mayo. The only minor kvetch I can summon up in relation to this dish is that Mr K and I both thought it had a tiny excess of ginger; some mouthfuls bit back.

At the end of this line of adorable dishes and the bottle of wine we decided we were still a tiny bit peckish, and ordered two favourites from previous visits; the ‘tartar style sashimi of the day’ ($10.5), and the crumbed camembert with blueberry sauce ($9.8). We also ordered two glasses of the Lenton Brae Semillon Sauvignon Blanc ($10.5 per glass, never had it before, don’t bother), which we saw the server pour into a measuring cup before it went into our glasses, amusing but eerily in keeping with our 5-oyster half dozen. Dangerous ground…

We assumed that the sashimi would precede the cheese, which would be a nice finishing touch. We were wrong, but it ensured our evening ended on the highest possible note. The cheese was nice and soft, but the blueberry sauce has evolved from a sweet syrup to very tiny tinned blueberries, quite tart, and we won’t bother with this dish again. The tartar style sashimi was exquisite, and I wish we had ordered it in our first lot as we were considering. The sashimi of the day was salmon, tuna and pearl perch, and this is tiny pieces of each mixed with lightly spicy chilli sauce and formed into a mound, then topped with sliced pear, spring onion and served with wasabi mayo (hurray!) for dipping and fried tortilla (slightly incongruous I know) for easier scoopage. Absolutely brilliant, and reminded us why we had persisted in returning a third time after being knocked back twice. You could logically argue that we could have returned at any time if we had thought to book first, but I believe I have explained the mostly-disorganised nature of our dining pleasure (or lack thereof) in previous posts.

Total bill was $164.30 pre-tip, and worth it. You may wish to ensure the pleasure of dining there by booking first. Their number is 9444-0577.

(No more) the Cream of the crop..

For Mr K’s birthday recently, I booked a table at one of my long-standing favourite restaurants, Cream. Its tucked away in East Perth, and I have been going there regularly since it opened - I have always loved the furry walls and mood lighting, as well as the food and wine list. The service has always been solid as well. You can therefore see my logic; Birthday + Romantic Dinner a deux = Cream. My mathematical genius is clearly an inverse of how often I use Excel, because my calculations were well out of alignment (perhaps I forgot to carry the one?).

We booked into the 8pm dinner service (they only do two, 6:30 and 8pm), therefore arriving around the same time as everyone else did. We had been placed at a table right at the front of the restaurant, directly opposite the cash register, so as people came in to be seated, or went to pay, their bottoms were perching on the edge of our table (this could have been an edifying view for some, perhaps I just wasn’t in the right mood) . The front door does not close properly, and all night as people left or went out to smoke we were treated to gusts of frigid air amidst the SLAM of the door in the wind. Our drinks orders were taken reasonably quickly, and we got a bottle of sparkling, Stefano Lubiano NV Brut ($70) to share over entrée. It wasn’t anything special, but their bubbles list is n0t extensive, and it did the job.

Occasionally, the wait for food at Cream has become a little tedious, and knowing this, when we ordered dinner I ordered bread, olives, and their very more-ish homemade pate ($3.5pp for bread, $5.5 for pate) so we didn’t starve to death. It took 45 minutes to get out to us, and only arrived after one of the staff asked why a bread plate was still sitting on the pass after half an hour (we were close enough to hear). During this wait, the rest of the restaurant had their orders taken, and were served their entrée courses, and ours was the only table that missed out - I must have accidentally worn my Invisibility Cloak (I normally keep it for when my Mum drops around). Despite the arduous and frustrating wait, I very rarely complain in a restaurant, and it was Mr K’s birthday, so we waited it out until I finally cracked and asked a passing staff member whether we might be having dinner…

An hour and a half after we arrived at the restaurant, after everyone else was finished their main course, our entrees of a Fried Parmesan Polenta ‘Egg’, with a ‘Molten Gorgonzola Core’ and Spanish Salt Cod & Potato Croquettes (both $23.5) were delivered to our table. My polenta egg was tasty, but I found no gorgonzola ‘core’ in it, molten or otherwise. I ended up trading with Mr. K, because he was bitterly disappointed with his Salt Cod croquettes (if you want excellent specimens of this genre, may I suggest Duende?). As you can imagine, after the wait, these were very speedily disposed of, and only 15 minutes after our entrees made their grand entrance, our main courses of Marinated Lamb Fillet and Braised Baby Beef ($36.5 and $35.5 respectively) were served.

Mr K lucked out there – the baby beef was absolutely superb, melt in your mouth gorgeousness accompanied by potatoes, green beans and a beautiful jus. The marinated lamb was tender and flavourful, but no comparison, and although I adore garlic, the sweet potato mash tasted of it to the point of bitterness. We had ordered a bottle of Te Whare Ra (pronounced: Teh Ferry Rah) Pinot Noir ($75) to go with our mains, and after its 90 minute breather on the table, it was fabulous. We stumbled across this winery on our NZ holiday, and it was so lovely to see it on a menu, even if the waiter did keep looking at me as though I was pronouncing the name wrong (helpful hint: they tell you how on the back of the bottle if you’ve not had the good fortune to pay a visit to the vineyard).

Due to the speediness of the main course, the bottle was only half drunk by the time the last morsel of beef had been eaten, but we waited in vain to be given a cheese or dessert menu. It eventually appeared, but wasn’t followed with anyone to take an order until well after our patience was exhausted. Finally a lovely waitperson appeared who apologised profusely for the service and blamed it on a ‘function’ of twelve. I gently (honestly!) explained that as everyone else in the restaurant was served and satisfied prior to us even receiving entrees, I had difficulty accepting that as a suitable excuse, particularly as the table of two behind us had service and food all evening. She was unable to fault our logic and credited the cost of our entrees off the bill without us asking for recompense but as you know, this rarely reconciles one to the loss of what should be a fabulous dining experience. The feeling of loss is all the more bitter when you have had wonderful experiences in the past, and it’ll be awhile before I am brave enough to try again, if at all.

Verdict? Have a snack before you go, or borrow a high visibility vest (with a whistle and a light for attracting attention).

RIP...La Bruschetta

Once upon a time, two adventurers headed off into the Perth suburban blackness, in search of a decent meal close to home. They stumbled across La Bruschetta in Tuart Hill, and they saw that it was good. As a replacement for mid-week dinner cooking (and associated washing-up), it was frequented with embarrassing regularity – so much so that said adventurers had a standing discount, and when the owners changed prawn providers for their Linguine Gamberi, they were asked to provide feedback (and their opinion listened to!). After many months of happiness, the establishment changed hands….

The first time we went back to La Bruschetta after the change in ownership, the only thing missing was the owner and the chef – the menu and décor were exactly the same. Hesitantly ordering our old favourites (Linguini Gamberi and the Lamb Salad), everything seemed to be fine, and Mr K and I heaved a great sigh of relief. And that, unfortunately, is the last time this establishment was blameless (in our eyes at least). In the months since the sale, we have seen the food quality and service plummet, and the prices remain the same. We have tried on a number of occasions to recapture the magic, and I recount for you our most recent, and final dining experience.

On a Wednesday night, Mr K and I needed a quick dinner before another engagement, and decided to give La Bruschetta a go. Neither of us was starving, and the last time one of us had ordered Linguine Gamberi, it was truly awful, so we each went with a pizza. I should make very clear to you, Dear Reader, that neither Mr K nor myself are of Italian origin, far from it. To further disclaim, neither of us is a professional chef, and we are not possessed of a commercial kitchen or a pizza oven. That said, we could easily (and regularly do) produce better quality pizzas with far better ingredients than these two offerings, anyone could…even the spotty employees of Eagle Boys. The crusts were dry and tasteless on both, and for some reason known only to the cook (I hesitate to pronounce him chef) laden with pepper. The BBQ Chicken pizza ($19) was smeared with a commercial BBQ sauce, which I am certain can be found in a brown bottle with a yellow cap on your supermarket shelf. The La Bruschetta Special (tomato, bocconcini and prosciutto, $23.00) was bland and tasteless (apart from the pepper); liberally spotted with a very poor quality cheese and with ‘Italian prosciutto’ that was most definitely not prosciutto as we know it, Jim. The best thing about the entire meal was the bottle of Evans and Tate Classic we purchased to wash it down with. The owner gave us a 10% discount without us complaining, whether as an enticement to future dining or a standard apology, I am not sure. It wasn’t enough - mid-week dinner or not, it is simply not worth the frustration or the indigestion.

It’s a pity really, under the old owners, the place was always packed, and the food of reassuringly decent quality. The specials were interesting, the staff pleasant, and I once had a banana pudding that was simply spectacular. That often seems to be the problem though; new owners come in and try to make more profit out of the same type of offering that made the establishment successful in the first place. It doesn’t work, and I really wish they’d stop trying. Most of us are not stupid, and I resent being treated as though I am. If you aren’t either, maybe give La Bruschetta a wide berth…

The Broken Hill Hotel..

Whilst on a search for a new vehicle, Mr K and I found ourselves far from our spiritual home of slightly North of the River, and in Victoria Park. The search not being successful, we were both hungry and thirsty (although not nearly as hungry and thirsty as the car salesmen...the GFC is obviously hitting them hard and the level of desperation is most discomfiting) - neither of us had been to the Broken Hill and it looked like a decent lunch choice. The facade of the hotel is gorgeous, the inside is contemporary re-done Perth hotel decor; nothing spectacular, but more than adequate, and the music was appropriately ambient. There wasn’t a server immediately to hand when we walked into the restaurant, and the chef popped out of the kitchen to attend to us (maybe we are not as sketchy looking as previously pondered). We decided to sit outside on the restaurant verandah, and were speedily attended to in the way of drink orders and menus.

We shared half a dozen tempura oysters to start ($3.50 each and a fave for both of us); they were hot and pleasantly crispy but served only with a wedge of lemon. A soy and ginger sauce or even some wasabi mayo would have been most welcome, they were a little boring without. As with anything I can knock up decently at home, I expect the product of a commercial kitchen and trained chefs to be better than my own – but if you don’t like to be splattered with the occasional bit of oil, these were a good substitute (maybe ask for a side of aioli?).

I decided on the Tandoori Lamb Pizza ($19.00) and Mr K had the Middle Eastern Spiced Lamb Burger ($17.50) (no conspiracy – they just sounded good). Servings were generous - I hadn’t a hope of finishing my pizza, despite the tenderness of the lamb, and even Mr K’s appetite was taxed by the size of the burger and chips. A slight kvetch noted was that the pizza would have been improved with a little chilli or slightly more Tandoori paste; it was a little (but only a little) on the bland side. On a positive note, Mr K’s chips were magnificent – it is almost impossible to get a serve of properly crispy chips lately (honestly people, a couple more minutes cooking is all it takes, it is counter intuitive to undercook them just to get the order on the pass a minute or so quicker, remember customer satisfaction? It’s that thing we look after so people come back, and we keep our jobs) and these were perfect.

On another very pleasant note, may I just mention that the service was excellent? We were the only couple seated outside, and we were not neglected. The server regularly popped out to top up water and wine (!) and to check that we were happy with everything. It is lovely to be unexpectedly impressed with service in Perth, and it happens so rarely that it deserves special mention. If it wasn’t for my disinclination to travel outside my 10km radius (I didn’t grow up in Perth, but somehow I seem to have assumed this characteristic in spite of my best efforts) I would probably return regularly, just for that.

Verdict? Decent pub grub, well cooked and well served. Give it a try if you can wrest yourselves from the grasp of the car salesmen...

Le Paris Brest....

After years of hearing about how fabulous it is, Mr K and I went to Le Paris Brest for lunch on Sunday…this was clearly the fatal error in our quest for a nice meal.

It was a lovely day, perfect for a drive, and on a Sunday it doesn’t take too long to get to Kalamunda from the city. We found it tucked away on Haynes St fairly easily, and it didn’t appear overly busy, but we stood there in the doorway like idiots for a minute or two while we tried to ascertain whether one seats oneself, or is seated. Eventually I grabbed a staff member who said, “sit anywhere” and we foraged for a menu on the front counter (it was not offered). The menu is small, and it was quite difficult to find something to eat. Eventually we decided we would get a gnocchi ($18.99) and a baby snapper ($24.99). No one came to take our order, so I went and stood in the massive line up at the counter (which would have been much smaller if it hadn’t been full of parties of retirees wanting to know the chemical composition of EVERY SINGLE PASTRY on offer). I tried to order, and apparently they were ‘out of snapper’, so we ended up with two gnocchi’s instead.

Mr K wanted a chocolate milkshake and I had heard their coffee was good so ordered a latte. Eventually (about 15 minutes, which considering their level of busyness did not fall into my ‘acceptable’ category),the milkshake came out. Mr K felt there was something missing, and after taste tests and discussion, he came to the conclusion it was the ‘chocolate’ part of ‘chocolate milkshake’ that was lacking, however, my coffee was good though scalding hot.

After waiting a bit more, the gnocchi arrived. A note about this; they obviously made them in the same pan at the same time, and I have no problem with that…but it was supposed to be with tomato, onions and olives - I got all of the olives, and Mr K got all of the tomato. The gnocchi itself was beautifully soft and very filling, even factoring in the absent sauce components.

Whilst we were eating, a couple seated behind us were brought menus and given table service, so I am not sure whether Mr K and I are sketchy looking specimens, or whether we were just so far under the median age of patrons it was felt we didn’t need to be served. Interestingly, the gentleman behind us tried to order the Pork Burger, and was told that it was being made with veal today, so I deduce the kitchen’s ordering procedures leave a little to be desired.

A note about the décor – fussy beyond belief..think Shabby Chic meets your Nana’s lounge room. There were a few nice bits and pieces – a set of vintage wall clocks, a couple of interesting block prints etc – but it was so cluttered with ceramics, plaques and other detritus littering the walls that we found it impossible to relax. It was clearly decorated (and I use that term in the loosest sense of the word) with a geriatric audience in mind. We didn’t sample the famed pastries – we would have had to line up again, and it was looking like another 10 to 15 minute wait in the queue from hell with Maude and Hazel and all of their friends from the home, oops I mean lifestyle village.

On the Ms Kvetch Annoyance Scale – this scored about a 7.5. Don’t bother unless a) your Nana wants a day out and b) you’ve dosed up on Valium or similar.

/end Kvetch