Le Paris Brest....

After years of hearing about how fabulous it is, Mr K and I went to Le Paris Brest for lunch on Sunday…this was clearly the fatal error in our quest for a nice meal.

It was a lovely day, perfect for a drive, and on a Sunday it doesn’t take too long to get to Kalamunda from the city. We found it tucked away on Haynes St fairly easily, and it didn’t appear overly busy, but we stood there in the doorway like idiots for a minute or two while we tried to ascertain whether one seats oneself, or is seated. Eventually I grabbed a staff member who said, “sit anywhere” and we foraged for a menu on the front counter (it was not offered). The menu is small, and it was quite difficult to find something to eat. Eventually we decided we would get a gnocchi ($18.99) and a baby snapper ($24.99). No one came to take our order, so I went and stood in the massive line up at the counter (which would have been much smaller if it hadn’t been full of parties of retirees wanting to know the chemical composition of EVERY SINGLE PASTRY on offer). I tried to order, and apparently they were ‘out of snapper’, so we ended up with two gnocchi’s instead.

Mr K wanted a chocolate milkshake and I had heard their coffee was good so ordered a latte. Eventually (about 15 minutes, which considering their level of busyness did not fall into my ‘acceptable’ category),the milkshake came out. Mr K felt there was something missing, and after taste tests and discussion, he came to the conclusion it was the ‘chocolate’ part of ‘chocolate milkshake’ that was lacking, however, my coffee was good though scalding hot.

After waiting a bit more, the gnocchi arrived. A note about this; they obviously made them in the same pan at the same time, and I have no problem with that…but it was supposed to be with tomato, onions and olives - I got all of the olives, and Mr K got all of the tomato. The gnocchi itself was beautifully soft and very filling, even factoring in the absent sauce components.

Whilst we were eating, a couple seated behind us were brought menus and given table service, so I am not sure whether Mr K and I are sketchy looking specimens, or whether we were just so far under the median age of patrons it was felt we didn’t need to be served. Interestingly, the gentleman behind us tried to order the Pork Burger, and was told that it was being made with veal today, so I deduce the kitchen’s ordering procedures leave a little to be desired.

A note about the décor – fussy beyond belief..think Shabby Chic meets your Nana’s lounge room. There were a few nice bits and pieces – a set of vintage wall clocks, a couple of interesting block prints etc – but it was so cluttered with ceramics, plaques and other detritus littering the walls that we found it impossible to relax. It was clearly decorated (and I use that term in the loosest sense of the word) with a geriatric audience in mind. We didn’t sample the famed pastries – we would have had to line up again, and it was looking like another 10 to 15 minute wait in the queue from hell with Maude and Hazel and all of their friends from the home, oops I mean lifestyle village.

On the Ms Kvetch Annoyance Scale – this scored about a 7.5. Don’t bother unless a) your Nana wants a day out and b) you’ve dosed up on Valium or similar.

/end Kvetch