The Imp - Victoria Park

Ensemble:



Ms Kvetch: breakfast-eater catching up with friends



Lovely Very Pregnant Friend (P1): quite self explanatory really.



Lovely Slightly-less-pregnant Friend (P2): see above



Dumb Girl at till



Mute Wait-thing



Barista/Manager Type

To set the scene: Saturday morning in Victoria Park, The Imp Cafe. Walk into cafe and find friends squeezed in a table at the back. Impression of messiness and not very much care. Check out breakfast menu, realise you have to order and pay at the front counter.
Ms Kvetch and P2 walk to front counter to order.



Barista/Manager Type: Will you be paying separately?



Ms K: yes please



Barista/Manager Type: what coffees would you like, and I will get them started now



Ms K: a flat white and a latte please



P2: a cappuccino



Dumb Girl at till: What can I get you?



P2: scrambled eggs on toast with a side order of bacon and a cappuccino



Dumb Girl at till (to Ms K): What can I get you?



Ms K: the first order will be the Imp Big Breakfast with scrambled eggs and sourdough toast and a flat white.



Dumb Girl at till (looks at bench with coffee order on it): so a big breakfast with a latte



Ms Kvetch realises there is no point in arguing



Ms K: and the second order will be eggs Florentine on sourdough toast with a side of hash browns and a flat white.



Ms K pays and she and P2 return to seats.



A very short time later, Mute Wait-thing arrives at table with a cappuccino and a flat white, and stands at table, looking like brain has just shut down to conserve battery life.



Mute Wait-thing: “ “



Ms K, P1, P2 look expectantly at MWT, and realise she could stand there vacantly all day



P2: the cappuccino is mine



MWT: “ “



MWT places coffees on table and backs away.
Dumb Girl from till arrives with latte a moment later. P1 asks for more sugar (What is it with Perth and only giving patrons one sugar with their coffee? NO ONE I KNOW TAKES ONE SUGAR AND YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO ASK FOR MORE AND THEN THE WAIT STAFF SIGH LIKE YOU ARE BEING PROBLEMATIC. GIVE US APPROPRIATE AMOUNTS OF SWEETENER IN THE FIRST PLACE! Goddammit but people are stupid).



Cue general chat and cafe noises





MWT returns to table with a Big Breakfast and Eggs on Toast and stands vacantly at table.



MWT: “ “





P1: the Big Breakfast is mine.



MWT: “ “



MWT places plates on tables and backs away silently. Returns a minute or so later with Eggs Florentine.



Ms K: could we please have some cutlery?



MWT: yes

The crowd goes wild, curtain closes. End Act.

Ok, down to the serious business of the food. The short answer? Pretty average. And here is why:

The Eggs on Toast ($9) was a very bare plate, eggs were a bit gluggy looking and the “side” of bacon ($3.50) was the smallest side I have ever seen...perhaps they were trying to reduce the chance of P2 contracting Swine Flu in her maternal state? The Big Breakfast ($19) by comparison was MASSIVE. Again, eggs didn’t look that great, but P1 said that whatever they did to the mushrooms was nice (I venture sautéed with butter and a little cream from the looks of them). The baked beans looked very rich and lovely, and I tried a mouthful, but I wouldn’t try a second – they were incredibly bland. There were also hash browns, which were a bit novel, they were round and deep-fried – more of a potato croquette. I had these as a side ($3.50) with my Eggs Florentine. They were good, but a bit undercooked and sloppy in the centres. I would turn the deep fryer down a little and give them some more time to cook.

My Eggs Florentine ($13.00) was two poached eggs on sourdough toast with raw spinach and something that looked like Hollandaise sauce, but didn’t have any flavour (“It’s Hollandaise, but not as we know it Jim”). And a personal bugbear of mine, the eggs, although poached properly in boiling water tasted like the white vinegar that had been used to keep them together. I hate that.

The Fiori coffee was not robust, certainly not as nice as expected, and P1’s flat white was cold.

This one was my fault, I picked the cafe, but in my defence I have absolutely no knowledge of Vic Park, and went off their website and the Eating WA review. More fool me. Sorry ladies!

(Has anyone else been here?)

Divido

As promised, here is a review of a 'proper' restaurant...



Divido in Mt Hawthorn used to be one of my favouritist restaurants – but a year or so ago, they stopped doing breakfasts and lunches on the weekends. THEN they got a good review in The West or Sunday Times or something, and then you had to start booking. Most annoying, especially when you are not organised diners, so we hadn’t been for awhile.

We went back mid-week recently, after a quite hideous day at the office. We could only get a table for 8pm, and the place was pretty full. They haven’t messed with the inside too much, the retro lighting, and tree scapes are still there, but they have included some banquettes down the middle of the dining room. What they HAVE changed is the menu. They used to have a number of tapas-style plates – Divido meaning ‘to share’, and these have disappeared unfortunately (many a long Saturday lunch have I enjoyed at Divido, and it seems a pity that aspect is gone). Wood-fired pizza is also off, and the menu has shrunk substantially. I don’t mind this generally, as it normally follows that more care is taken with what remains, but you do run the risk of not feeling like anything that is there. They are running a degustation menu concurrently, but it just appeared to be tastes of the regular offerings.

We decided on the Vitello Tonato ($22) and Marron ($27) to start. We advised our waitperson that we would be sharing, and the marron actually came out in the main size, much to the disgust of the nosy couple seated next to us. They had each had the marron to start, and She was not amused we got a larger size (and we were having another plate!). The Vitello was a clear winner here, the veal was meltingly tender, and reminded me of the carpaccio I used to get there regularly. This was a lovely balanced plate, the only thing I would have changed was the use of the caper berries. They used the large berries with stems, and I think the smaller capers in salt would have finished it more effectively. The marron, unfortunately (despite the size!) was not as special. For some reason known only to himself, on the day, Chef Jason Jujnovich was preparing these split in half, grilled, and covered in fresh red chili with a little garlic (I note the menu states wood roasted with garlic and dried oregano) . I adore spicy food – one day I shall give you a run down of my favourite Indian restaurants, but it just didn’t work with the marron. If you are showcasing a gorgeous little WA ingredient, why overwhelm that delicate taste with chili? The standout was the postage stamp sized portion of kipfler potato salad included on the plate – lovely fresh vinaigrette dressing.

We asked the waitperson for a suggestion on a white by the glass to have with entrée, and she came back with a suggestion of a Rose for the vitello and a Chardonnay for the marron, but as a Rose is the one varietal that neither Mr K or I will touch (I lie a little, I once in Queenstown tried a Rose from Amisfield Estate, and it was quite drinkable, but I would still never buy a glass of it, let alone a bottle), we went with the Innocent Bystander Chardonnay. It was not too bad – definitely better than the Sav Blanc by the same vineyard. Really though, a fruity and crisp Sav Blanc would have suited both entrees just fine. Veal is red meat, yes, but it’s not so meaty that it requires a red wine, and as tuna mayonnaise is served with the Vitello Tonato, I think the right white works nicely.

For a bottle of red with dinner, I couldn’t decide between the Mt Difficulty Pinot Noir ($71) or the Chateau de Campuget Shiraz/Grenache/Mourvedre ($69), and I asked the same waitperson for an opinion. She suggested the French wine, and since we often don’t bother with the French (apart from cheese), we went ahead with it. With a Shiraz blend, you expect some pepper, and while this gave you a little hint of it in the bouquet, it didn’t follow through in taste, and there was NO finish. If Jesus was turning the water into wine, this would be the result of him getting bored part way through. I think just on the face of it, the Mt Difficulty would have suited better – you know what you are getting with a Pinot from Central Otago, nice big berry/cherry flavours and a bit of spice. That said, I asked for her opinion - if it wasn’t the same as my own, that isn’t her fault (how balanced and fair am I?).

For main, Mr K had the quail ($36) and I had the duck (also $36). Both of these had perfectly brown crispy skin, and beautiful flavour, but I think mine was the winner. The meat was incredibly tender, and the jus worked perfectly with the organic buckwheat polenta. We also got truffle mash and a red cabbage, walnut and gorgonzola salad ($8 each). The mash was a good texture and tasty, but as usual, if there was a hint of truffle taste in there I missed it. Perhaps they waft a truffle past the field? It really is a case of the Emperor’s New Potatoes, and it is not just a Divido phenomenon - I struggle to think of a restaurant where I have actually tasted said truffle in the mash. If you are not going to use it, or your contribution is a drop of infused oil per pot of potatoes, please don’t bother. Put something else in it, put nothing else in it, but don’t advertise something that isn’t there/end Kvetch. The salad, on the other hand, was an absolute delight. Crispy cabbage, lovely dressing, toasted walnuts, blue cheese and the occasional sultana. With the duck, it was bliss.

We end up sharing a dessert – there was a persimmon and apple crumble that looked interesting, but somehow I prefer to make my own with these things, so we went with the Chocolate Nemesis tart ($15), and a bottle of the Two Hands Moscato ($36). The chocolate tart was good, not over-sweet, but could have used more crème fraiche and strawberry compote as accompaniment. The Moscato was most drinkable, light and not cloying – you may buy me some for my next birthday if you are so inclined.

We didn’t have coffee – it was a school night, and I couldn’t afford the staring-at-the-ceiling time it would have entailed, but from memory, their coffee is good, and I have never had a burnt one.

One more slight kvetch: the middle aged couple sitting next to us unashamedly listened to our conversation all night. From this I deduce that a) they have been married too long and b) they have no pets or children – both of whom make excellent dinner conversation when you have nothing left to say to each other (Mr K and I are clearly not at this point in our relationship). As I was relating the next exciting instalment of a staff member’s family drama (honestly, it puts Neighbours to shame), I am sure they had plenty to keep them amused. I only wish they had the decency to pretend they were NOT listening…to listen is understandable, but to gawk is gauche.

Overall? The service is excellent and prompt, even when the restaurant is busy. The food is mostly excellent, apart from my quibbles, and I will be trying the cauliflower tagliatelle next time I am in there. I just wish they still had their sharing menu – I miss it. Oh, and the marron? They didn’t charge us for the upgrade, wasn’t that nice of them? The Nosies would have been MOST put out if they’d known.

Cost $244 (incl use of Entertainment Card).