Ms Kvetch: breakfast-eater catching up with friends
Lovely Very Pregnant Friend (P1): quite self explanatory really.
Lovely Slightly-less-pregnant Friend (P2): see above
Dumb Girl at till
Mute Wait-thing
Barista/Manager Type
To set the scene: Saturday morning in Victoria Park, The Imp Cafe. Walk into cafe and find friends squeezed in a table at the back. Impression of messiness and not very much care. Check out breakfast menu, realise you have to order and pay at the front counter.
Ms Kvetch and P2 walk to front counter to order.
Barista/Manager Type: Will you be paying separately?
Ms K: yes please
Barista/Manager Type: what coffees would you like, and I will get them started now
Ms K: a flat white and a latte please
P2: a cappuccino
Dumb Girl at till: What can I get you?
P2: scrambled eggs on toast with a side order of bacon and a cappuccino
Dumb Girl at till (to Ms K): What can I get you?
Ms K: the first order will be the Imp Big Breakfast with scrambled eggs and sourdough toast and a flat white.
Dumb Girl at till (looks at bench with coffee order on it): so a big breakfast with a latte
Ms Kvetch realises there is no point in arguing
Ms K: and the second order will be eggs Florentine on sourdough toast with a side of hash browns and a flat white.
Ms K pays and she and P2 return to seats.
A very short time later, Mute Wait-thing arrives at table with a cappuccino and a flat white, and stands at table, looking like brain has just shut down to conserve battery life.
Mute Wait-thing: “ “
Ms K, P1, P2 look expectantly at MWT, and realise she could stand there vacantly all day
P2: the cappuccino is mine
MWT: “ “
MWT places coffees on table and backs away.
Dumb Girl from till arrives with latte a moment later. P1 asks for more sugar (What is it with Perth and only giving patrons one sugar with their coffee? NO ONE I KNOW TAKES ONE SUGAR AND YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO ASK FOR MORE AND THEN THE WAIT STAFF SIGH LIKE YOU ARE BEING PROBLEMATIC. GIVE US APPROPRIATE AMOUNTS OF SWEETENER IN THE FIRST PLACE! Goddammit but people are stupid).
Cue general chat and cafe noises
MWT returns to table with a Big Breakfast and Eggs on Toast and stands vacantly at table.
MWT: “ “
P1: the Big Breakfast is mine.
MWT: “ “
MWT places plates on tables and backs away silently. Returns a minute or so later with Eggs Florentine.
Ms K: could we please have some cutlery?
MWT: yes
The crowd goes wild, curtain closes. End Act.
Ok, down to the serious business of the food. The short answer? Pretty average. And here is why:
Ok, down to the serious business of the food. The short answer? Pretty average. And here is why:
The Eggs on Toast ($9) was a very bare plate, eggs were a bit gluggy looking and the “side” of bacon ($3.50) was the smallest side I have ever seen...perhaps they were trying to reduce the chance of P2 contracting Swine Flu in her maternal state? The Big Breakfast ($19) by comparison was MASSIVE. Again, eggs didn’t look that great, but P1 said that whatever they did to the mushrooms was nice (I venture sautéed with butter and a little cream from the looks of them). The baked beans looked very rich and lovely, and I tried a mouthful, but I wouldn’t try a second – they were incredibly bland. There were also hash browns, which were a bit novel, they were round and deep-fried – more of a potato croquette. I had these as a side ($3.50) with my Eggs Florentine. They were good, but a bit undercooked and sloppy in the centres. I would turn the deep fryer down a little and give them some more time to cook.
My Eggs Florentine ($13.00) was two poached eggs on sourdough toast with raw spinach and something that looked like Hollandaise sauce, but didn’t have any flavour (“It’s Hollandaise, but not as we know it Jim”). And a personal bugbear of mine, the eggs, although poached properly in boiling water tasted like the white vinegar that had been used to keep them together. I hate that.
The Fiori coffee was not robust, certainly not as nice as expected, and P1’s flat white was cold.
This one was my fault, I picked the cafe, but in my defence I have absolutely no knowledge of Vic Park, and went off their website and the Eating WA review. More fool me. Sorry ladies!
(Has anyone else been here?)
