The Brisbane Hotel

I would just like to start today’s pronouncement on dining with a Public Service Announcement: I hate the Brisbane Hotel. Contrary to the reasons I normally hate restaurants, this one actually does not historically have anything to do with the food (decent, although the sausage rolls have been on the menu since the opening day), the fit-out (reasonably funky although dating pretty quickly) or the music (fairly cool in summer, unremarkable in winter). It’s the people, frankly. I detest walking into a room (see my opening post) and having the entire heaving mass of people stop, stare, evaluate you as lacking wank value, and return to their espresso martini (no offence meant to espresso martinis – I really like them).

DESPITE all of the above, I had occasion to go there the other night for dinner. I didn’t have much of a choice, someone else was paying…so I decided to be open minded, and I was prepared to forgive the Brisbane its vacuous, lollipop-esque patrons. There was hardly anyone there, so the patrons couldn’t be faulted this time. But it was boring frankly, and it wasn’t the company I was with. The food was ok, if not inspired. Clearly the GFC is having an effect on the chef’s budget - pork is cheap and it had insinuated its way through the menu like a mutating plague. Bacon, pork belly, pork fillet, more bacon – it had more exposure than Eddie McGuire did in the great Channel 9 epidemic of 2007. I hate pork, and though I defend every individual’s right to eat what they like (within reason – if you can adopt it through the WWF, perhaps we should re-think our dining patterns, no?), it shouldn’t come at the expense of me being able to find something appetising and suitable on the menu. As well as the swine issue, I couldn’t find anything on the wine list I wanted to drink, and no, I was not being difficult. It was…boring, blasé, innocuous, vanilla (no offence meant to vanilla either)…

You know what? I liked it better when I hated it because of what it was – at least then it had personality, even if you wouldn’t have introduced it to your friends.

/end Kvetch